Hate my life

Right now, this very moment I really hate my life. Nothing goes the way I want it. I don't know what I am feeling, I don't know with who I want to be with. It really sucks! I want to be with someone but I just can't and this tears me apart. Yesterday I said that I would like to die. I've never said something like this before. So it seems so strange that I said it. But I do not wanna be afraid, I want to express my feelings but I freakin can't! Fuck my life ...